Funny dating jokes one liners

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Bad Economy Bankers Balls Barbies Never Seen Bar Talk Bachelor's Food Bathroom Sayings Battle of the Sexes Because I'm A Guy Bedroom Golf Beer Versus Pussy Best Country Songs Best Headliners Best Left Unsaid Better Being Female Bicycles Or Women Big Dick Jokes Biggest Lies Blind Date Ditch Blonde Cooking Blowjob Etiquette Booty Call Agreement Bored Beyond Belief Brunette Jokes Bumper Stickers Burning Calories Bush Bumpers Bush Humor Business Meetings Business Rules Business Talk C Cantonese Menu Can You Read This?California Drive Exam Calling the Jackass Car Acronyms Car Stereo Blasting Cartoon Physics Cat Person Signs Cat Translations Cheap Medical Plan Celebrity Viruses Certified Asshole Changing Oil Check For Alzheimers Children's Books Chicken Crossing Chilli Contest Christmas Function Christmas Humor Church Bloopers Classified Ads Classroom Dialogue CNN Drinking Game College Athletes Exam Colon Comments Colonoscopy Remarks Computer Problems Computer Lies Computers In Movies Computer Viruses Condom Promotion Condom Selection Confucius Says Consultant Rules Consulting Prostitute Cooking A Turkey Corporate Definitions Corporate Reality Corporate Structure Corporate Stupidity Courtroom Dialogue Cow Economy Crazy Laws Crossbred Dogs Cucumbers Vs Men Cybersex Chat Cynic's Guide to Life D Dating Reality Check Dating My Daughter Daffynitions Punography Angry Notes Funny Book Report Computer Jokes Army Jokes Male or Female Between Generations Paraprosdokians Aphorisms Political Jokes 3 Life Truths Booze Quotes Canada Eh!It doesn’t take Albert Einstein to figure out that everyone loves to laugh and hear some funny sayings every now and then, and your blog readers are no different.In fact, the genius himself had a quirky sense of humor. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? It's obviously fake, everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola. Behind every girl’s selfie are approximately 43 nearly identical photos that just didn’t cut it. I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. I don't have a Facebook or Twitter account, so I just go around announcing out loud what I'm doing at random times... If someday we all go to prison for downloading music illegally, I hope they split us up by music genres. I accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. My room isn't dirty, I just have everything on display. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. You will never get out of it alive." -Elbert Hubbard "Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Going to Mc Donald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug. Saw some footage of polar bears drinking water today. Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. If I die in my sleep, at least I can actually say that I died doing what I loved. If your boyfriend remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs. No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid. If you bring a gun to the pharmacy, you can get drugs without a doctor's prescription. Girls Fall in love with what they hear, and guys fall in love with what they see. I named my dog "5 miles", so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'It also features risqué jokes about religion, anorexia - and animal cruelty. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. 'I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".' 14. 'A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine (brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine) the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. 'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits? The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. ' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

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"Don't kid yourself" would be a great slogan for a condom company. Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. I've got 3 followers so far, but I think 2 are cops. Husbands and boyfriends are the best people to share secrets with… Plastic surgery is the work-out routine for the rich. Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally. Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor, and it rubbed me the wrong way. He wasn't amused, but he did say "You cracked me Up." Life is not a fairy tale. My vacuum broke in the middle of cleaning and I can't tell if the situation sucks or not. "The problem with quotes from the Internet, is that you can never truly verify their authenticity." -Abraham Lincoln If it's the thought that counts, think money. Relationships are like farting, if you push too hard, things could get messy real fast. Just like everyone else." -Margaret Mead "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -Isaac Asimov "We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know." -W. Auden "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

If you were home alone, and you heard a fart, would you be scared or laugh? If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side. They'll never tell anyone, because they aren't even listening. The thesaurus is where we find big words for the ones people actually understand. Shout "out" to baseball players who get three strikes. So if the US gets rid of pennies and nickels I'm not sure how I'll feel. A skinny guy with a six-pack is like a fat girl with big tits.. Did you here about the guy who lost his whole left side? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? you're either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour.

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